Sometimes it is so easy to forget
HELLO!
I am so smart but BOY do I sure do some DUM things SOMETIMES!! A you know, I am SUPER SMART. I mean SUPER SUPER DUPER SMART. I also have a great deal of expierience with water, oceans, seas, streams, lakes, brooks, rivers, fjords, ponds, swamps, rain drops, condensation, etc. so you’d THINK I would have a good HANDLE on the properties of LIQUIDS!
Well think AGAIN! I am such a strudel-noggin!
Today, I thought it would be good fun to go for a walk. (For those of you unfamiliar with walking, it is a form of LOCOMOTION that is conducted by placing one foot in front on the other. I tend to raise my foot off the ground before moving it but this is optional.) Near my compound is a large body of liquid water that people tell me is nice of observe visually.
Given the fact that I am recognized as one of the formost experts on aesthetics, I find it laughable that people assume that they can tell me something I DON’T know in this area. Anyhow, I made my way down to this liquid and began to WALK around its edge. Looking at it, I thought it would be nice to walk out onto the surface of the water a little bit. (I know this is possible because it is in the Bible.) I took a step onto the water and at first everthing was OK. But just a few steps later my shoes and pants were all wet.
This development DISTURBED me very much. I quickly retreated to the shore to assess my situation. Perhaps, I reasoned, I had simply hit upon a weak spot on the edge of the water. This made sense because I am certain many PEOPLE and ANIMALS had already walked on the surface in this area and had worn it a way a little bit.
The secret would be for me to get further out into the water where the surface would be stronger. I looked to see if there was a trail leading further into the water but did not see one. Looking up however, I did notice a large number of TREE LIMBS (aka BRANCHES) extending out over the water. This would be my ticket! By climbing a tree I would be able to enjoy a stroll on the suface.
Because I can from time to time be FRIGHTENED of heights, I decided it would be good to wear many weights all over my body to help draw me more quickly AWAY FROM THE SKY and down to the surface of the water. With more than 400 pounds of lead on my person, I (with the help of a number of my assistants) made my way to the top of a tree. I next made my way to the end of a limb (aka BRANCH as pointed out above) and then commenced returning to the earth/water surface.
I was concerned that I would get hurt when I hit the water and so had covered my JUMPsuit with pillows to help break my fall. BETTER MY FALL THAN MY ARM, I always say! Down, down, down I fell. Up, up, up rushed the water right at me. After falling for seven minutes, I landed. (OR, more accuraltely, I WATERED!).
Can you imagine how surprised I was when the top of the water gave way and I fell through? I don’t think that you can imagine this! I fell and fell and fell and fell. The pillows did their job and cushioned my fall but the lead seemed to have an unanticipated consequence. I was descending down into the liquid water and down to its murkiest depths!
Now I’ve been to the bottom of the ocean a million times. I’ve visited the TITANIC and all but I was NOT expecting to be under the water like this. I had no mask! I had no flippers! I had no swuimsuit! As I settled into the mud at the bottom of the water, I began to be scared. How would I be able to breath under water? I know that fish can do it but I am not a fish. I looked around and started to cry. Would like be the end of the most wonderful person in the world? I sure hoped not!
Lucky for you (AND FOR ME!) it wasn’t. My team was there for me (as the always are). A number of them reached in and pulled me out of the water. I was all wet and muddy. I also decided that I would need to remember that water is not a safe play thing and that if I wanted to play with it I would need to do a better job of preparing myself.
I am hoping that this (what I am writing right now) will serve as a reminder for me (and for you too) that water can be scary. I know I was scared.
Well, that’s all I wanted to say.
With an itch I can’t scratch, I am . . .
ANDY LAM!
Technorati Tags: Andy Lam, water, liquid, lake, river, stream, pillows, brooks, ice, rain, lead, fish, surprise, itch, Andy, Lam, Luck, Bible, tree